We’ve all been there. It’s late on a Saturday night, you’re drunk, and you’ve just had the BEST idea ever! Whether it is taking off your clothes in zero-degree weather, riding atop a car at 35 mph, or even just some good old-fashioned tree climbing, you think you’re so smart! We’re all aware of the consequences that ultimately occur because of our stupidness, and for a large majority, these ideas don’t even involve any alcohol. In the aftermath, however, you find yourself saying “but it seemed like such a good idea.” And right here we have identified your precise problem: you are a moron.
Classic Signs you’re a moron:
You classify yourself as “indie.” You smartasses do realize that independent only has one “I” in it, right? Nice abbreviation, genius. By the way, you can’t all be independent. Basically what happened was you didn’t do laundry one day so you decided to open up that hope-chest of your mom’s and put on a cardigan. Nice work.
You wear socks with your sandals. This isn’t a big one right now, because it’s winter time, but you closet sock and sandal people know who you are. Real smart idea, buddy – if your feet are that cold, just wear shoes. Are you going to the beach in that amazingly fashionable footwear? Fear not, the socks are removable!
You think that movie quotes can take place of actual conversation answers. ...another telltale sign of the pseudo-genius. Movie quotes do not count as responses to a question, nor can they be used to comment on a situation. If you’re quoting a movie, I’ve got another newsflash for you: You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else...
Unlike a rubix cube, there is a solution to this problem of being a moron – become a genius. Much like any idiot, a true genius is easy to spot.
The marks of a true genius:
Monocle: A real genius is so smart that they don’t have time to look at things with both eyes. I’ve got my seein’ eye, and my readin’ eye. Looking at one thing with two eyes is a waste of my genius-time.
Top Hat: Top “Hat” is the laymen’s term. It’s actually a brain warming and housing device. A moron’s head is much colder and functions so much slower. Case and point: Ice Fishing. The lake is frozen. The fish are dead. What are you doing?
It seems simple enough, but then again, most things to morons seem simple. Trust me, get yourself a those three things and you’ll be well on your way. I’ll even tip my hat off to you.
-Ryan
Classic Signs you’re a moron:
You classify yourself as “indie.” You smartasses do realize that independent only has one “I” in it, right? Nice abbreviation, genius. By the way, you can’t all be independent. Basically what happened was you didn’t do laundry one day so you decided to open up that hope-chest of your mom’s and put on a cardigan. Nice work.
You wear socks with your sandals. This isn’t a big one right now, because it’s winter time, but you closet sock and sandal people know who you are. Real smart idea, buddy – if your feet are that cold, just wear shoes. Are you going to the beach in that amazingly fashionable footwear? Fear not, the socks are removable!
You think that movie quotes can take place of actual conversation answers. ...another telltale sign of the pseudo-genius. Movie quotes do not count as responses to a question, nor can they be used to comment on a situation. If you’re quoting a movie, I’ve got another newsflash for you: You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else...
Unlike a rubix cube, there is a solution to this problem of being a moron – become a genius. Much like any idiot, a true genius is easy to spot.
The marks of a true genius:
Monocle: A real genius is so smart that they don’t have time to look at things with both eyes. I’ve got my seein’ eye, and my readin’ eye. Looking at one thing with two eyes is a waste of my genius-time.
Top Hat: Top “Hat” is the laymen’s term. It’s actually a brain warming and housing device. A moron’s head is much colder and functions so much slower. Case and point: Ice Fishing. The lake is frozen. The fish are dead. What are you doing?
Cane: Once again, geniuses are leagues beyond the normal-folk. How many steps did you take today? I bet your legs are killing you. You think you’re so smart? Then how come you’re walking around on both legs like a sucker, instead of three legs like a master?
It seems simple enough, but then again, most things to morons seem simple. Trust me, get yourself a those three things and you’ll be well on your way. I’ll even tip my hat off to you.
-Ryan
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